Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Siren Song of Perfume Samples and Ten Tips to Please My Man

I have a total magazine addiction. I love glossy magazines and their bite-sized exhortations to tone my flabby thighs (and color them orange; no one likes vampire legs), to find a hidden, secret erogenous zone on my lover (hint: it's his penis!), to cook a simple eighty-five ingredient meal in my slow cooker, to finally organize my wrapping paper closet, or to get the most out of my infant's tummy time (try playing your iPod to drown out the blood-curdling screams!).

Even though few of the articles in my copious magazines have any bearing on my real life, I just love to curl up in bed with them. The shiny, slick pages full of attractive people have that terrific department store-cum-stationery smell, and I can pretend that I am so going to buy the $34 lip gloss they recommend. In fact, I might actually buy the $34 lip gloss, only to later realize that I don't actually wear lip gloss. Oops. Same goes for kicky little "shooties" (really, guys? Shooties?) or Oprah's Favorite tumbled organic ostrich skin iPad cover. I'm totally not the demographic for this stuff. But is anyone really buying it?
Wow, it was freakishly easy to find an image for Oprah + iPad + favorite

Currently, I receive Us Weekly, O the Oprah Magazine, Self, Marie Claire (two of these each month, don't know why), Esquire, and Glamour... and in six to eight weeks, Parenting: The Early Years. It was on Zulily for a song. At least that one won't tell me that I'm fat or convince me to buy anything; only that I am a horrible parent and my child is surely well below average, but hey, I already knew that.

1 comment:

  1. You get two Marie Claires each month? When I live in America again I should pay you for shipping at the beginning of the year and have you mail them to me! Then the years after that maybe you can live in ATL and we can just read the magazines together while we cook dinner and play with babies.